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Help, having a hard time writing my "About Me" on my Website. Need feedback on my first draft.

Rosie BrownRosie Brown Enrolled Posts: 49
edited July 22 in Feedback & Reviews
​​After obtaining my Masters in Public Administration (MPA) in 2017, a goal I set for myself a long time ago, I realized that my true love is Organizing, which is another way I’m able to help others live a healthy and productive life. Being organized helps you find things quicker (than before you were organized), giving you more time to do the things you love with the people who matter most to you.

Ten (10) years ago I actually starting reading books, etc., on how to become a Professional Organizer, but somehow, I got side-tracked. Well, here I am 10 years later, older (52 years old), and ready to make some changes that will allow me to help you, become the best version of yourself.

I will never judge you or your environment. I will work With you (​which is the reason I capitalized the W in Simplify With Rosie), or I can organize your environment without you, your decision. I will give you some tips on how to maintain your environment, once it is organized, if that is something you are interested in, again your decision.

I look forward to working With you. Click here to see some of the services I provide

Comments

  • AdamAdam Admin, Enrolled Posts: 930
    Hi Rosie, great job on putting together your first draft. I do think it needs a bit of work so good idea posting it here.

    I'd take out 'which is a goal I set for myself a long time ago,' and I'd suggest getting rid of all the side thoughts in the parentheses. They are distracting and don't add anything.

    The whole second paragraph should be deleted or changed. I wouldn't talk about being 'side tracked' or your age. Maybe instead find the positive and focus on that. Like I've been organizing all my life and I've actually spent the last 10 years studying professional organizing.

    In the last paragraph, don't capitalize W and don't explain it there. It's too distracting. Take out all the "again your decision" parts. Change it to something like "you can be involved as much or as little as you like." Lowercase the W in the last sentence too.
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